Self-Publishing

The concept of self-publishing both fascinates and terrifies me.

 

I have come to terms with the very real possibility that no matter how hard I work or how much I revise or query, I might never land an agent. And even if I do, that might not translate into a book deal.

 

And if that is the case, I can’t decide what I would do. Trunk my novel and write another one? How do I know if this is ‘the one’? What if I think this isn’t ‘the one,’ so I write another book, and it’s even less of ‘the one’ than the first?! If I feel good about my book but I can’t find a home for it, should I self-publish?

 

I’m a very analytical/research oriented person. I comb blogs and websites, looking for little nuggets of information to store away that I can use later (yanno, once I finish revising my book). I’ve giggled my way through Evil Editor posts, cringed at the poor souls who needed a shot with the clue gun in the Snarkives, and read everything Mr. Nathan Bransford has ever been gracious enough to share about the agent/publishing world. And I’ve come to realize there is no ‘right’ or ‘good’ answer to the best way to publish a book.

 

Self-publishing sounds not just difficult (although I’ve never given up on something just because it’s difficult), but like it involves a set of skills that I just do not possess and do not feel comfortable trying to locate via the internet. Clearly many authors have done it (finding varying degrees of success).

 

But I don’t know if it’s really right for me.

The Most Asked

A week or so ago, I went to dinner with some friends, one of which I only see once a year. After the initial catching up, he asked the inevitable question.

"What's your book about?"

I really don't like this question. Yet it is the one most asked.

And now you are going, "Woah Chels, YOU ask this question!"

Why, yes, yes I do and then I open up the cover and read the little synopsis and decide whether or not I want to read it. I understand the question; I understand why it is asked. But I hate it.

And here's why.

When people ask this question are they wanting to know the events/characters/plot or do they want to know what the book is about?

Because it's often after I read I book that I realize that what it is about and what is in the inside of the cover are two different things.

My book is about the the bond of brotherhood, of friendship no matter what happens. But that's not what my friend wanted to know. Nope, he wanted to know what happens in the book, so as to decide whether or not it would be interesting or not.

In that case my answer is: Well, two boys go sailing around on the ocean searching for Book of Merlin, and along the way discover secrets about themselves.

(They of course wanted more details, but I told them they would have to wait till it's published)

I guess what really bothers me about the whole "What's it about?" question is that most of the time I feel like people are pushing me. (I hate being pushed. It kicks my stubborn into gear and then I'm a pain in the butt to everyone involved) I don't know exactly what my book is about because I haven't finished writing it yet! It could change from one page to the next. My only concern is getting my thoughts onto paper, writing the story as I go. 

(Now I realize that this is my writing style and does not work nor apply to everyone. But I honestly think it is because I write this way that I have such a problem with people asking what my stories are about)

Holding Still

I refused to turn around.  I held perfectly still.  Looking through the castle window, my shoulders were tense.  The muscles in my back, my arms, my whole body for that matter, were strong enough to fight any battle or run for days but I refused to move. Any other man in his right mind would leave but unlike most of them, I resisted the easiest path.

What would she have me do? She’d tell me if she could. But I’d burn at the stake before I would speak another word to her.

Damn her.

Even with my eyes closed, I could almost feel her standing next to me.  Her words, her touch, her kiss, everything about her made sense. Even the smell her hair and the sound of her breath, were now a part of me.  But I would fight this need for her.  I flexed my hands into fists. I wanted to hit something, someone.  Make it hurt so I wouldn’t have to because it hurt to love her. She was my one weakness. Warriors were as good as dead, if they allowed themselves even a hint of vulnerability. She could bring me to my knees with one word.  Well, three actually.

Why did she have to speak?   

They claimed she was dying.  I raced through the night, a demon possessed, eager to be by her side.  When I arrived, I could have inquired about her from a servant, not come bashing into the room ready for battle. But bashing I came. I had to see her for myself.  Thank the Northern stars, she was alive. The healers had bound her wounds and said her fever would pass by evening.  Kneeling at her bedside I whispered her name, not daring to touch her hand. Her eyes remained closed. Seat covered her body as her mind raced with fever but she spoke.  She responded to my voice, saying the three words that stopped time.

My breath caught.  Her omission created the greatest foe I would ever face and the battle began.  My love for her and the logic that been beat into me since birth, took opposing corners. 

‘Create no ties that will stay your sword’ had been shouted to me since I was young. Then it became the twisted, hypocritical words of comfort when the nights were cold and the days were lonely.  I foolishly believed they made me stronger.  Enemies had power over only me. No threats of harm to loved ones could ever hinder my actions.  Even my faint family memories had long been pushed aside, rarely haunting me. Then she slipped into my life and wisps of doubt began to tangle around my determination to live a warrior’s life.

I could have denied my feelings for her longer, perhaps I still would.  My ability to bury any tender feelings was almost equal to my skill with a blade.  How else could I run a man through with my sword? Watch as his life bled out and then sleep at night having no regrets? It was by putting my feelings in the dark, quiet corner of my mind and thinking only of the coming battle.  Then she, with her clever whit and soft, slow kisses, pulled me back into the light.

I rose from her bed and walked to the window.  The morning sun was growing strong.  I wanted to run, leaving her and this place far behind.  But I didn’t move. I just stood. 

What if she calls out to me? Will I go to her if she does? My fists squeezed tighter.

She stirs, “William?”

Laying on Concrete

So today I laid on concrete for an hour outside my public library.
Just. Laid there.

Technically my sister and her friend were laying next to me, but they were having their own conversation which is fine with me.

As I was laying on this cool, hard, concrete, I thought to myself "Where do I go from here?"

I didn't mean here as in the sidewalk. Or even here as in the library. I meant here, this point in my life.

No answer.

And that was fine with me. Because I don't have to know or figure it out now. Taking life step by step is the best way, that way I can enjoy the plot twists and characters that make their way into my own story.

Books to Movies

I love this movie. One of my favorites, and I often quote it whenever I can. It's hard not to with lines like, "As you wish," and "That does put a damper on our relationship" and it is just overall awesome.

Well, one day while walking in a bookstore I saw the Princess Bride by William Goldman and I thought to myself. Why haven't I read you yet? So I picked up the book, bought it, and brought it home with me.

To which I read it in less than three days. I couldn't put it down. I LOVED it. It was fantastic. I laughed constantly, and fell in love with the characters more deeply. It was basically the movie with more detail and backstory. Which got me to thinking of all the book to movie adaptations out there.

Warm Bodies- Loved the book, and was excited to find out it was going to be a movie. Loved the movie, almost more than the book. A brilliant and wonderful adaptation.

Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit- I. Love. These. Movies. Like seriously, love them. And I love the books, (Well to be fair, I've only read the Hobbit back in Jr. High and the Fellowship. I'm halfway through the Two Towers. They are good books but dense) From what I've read, Mr. Jackson has casted it perfectly (PERFECTLY) and I love it when fans make things.

The Invisible- I really like this movie (it is sad, but good) and found out it was based on a book. Read said book. Didn't like it. So, this was one of the rare cases where I love the movie over the book.

Percy Jackson- I liked the movie when I watched it, but my sister suggested that I finally read the series. I am now a wholly invested fan of Percy Jackson and his adventures. The movie isn't bad, but it isn't the best either. The casting was fine, but they messed up some plot points and little details.

Eragon- Wait, they made a movie? (It was terrible, so terrible. The only thing they got from the books was the names and dragons. I tend not to think about it cause it was so heartbreaking awful)

The Hunger Games- I enjoyed the books (not a huge fan, but they were good) and the movie is great as well. There were minor changes but the got the gist and majority right. Casting was perfect though as was the costume and set designs.

Twilight-I admit it, I liked the books. The movies...disappointed. Seriously. Casting was mostly bad (sorry cast) and I just...I can't put my finger on it but it just didn't translate well to the screen. However, I did like the last movie a lot. Mainly because Lee Pace was Garrett who was my favorite character in the books (he totally deserves his own story...and yes I know you only meet him in like the last half of the book, I do not care, Garrett is awesome and amazing and I love him. And then they go and cast Lee Pace and I die of happiness) Ahem. Sorry...moving on.

Howl's Moving Castle- Yes this is a cartoon (tech anime but ok) but I LOVE THIS. I love Miyazaki's work, and Howl is my favorite hands down. It got me so curious that I bought the book, and though I love the book, Miyazaki basically took the characters and made them his own. They both have awesome merits but I suggest not comparing them, for you will enjoy both in different ways.

The Princess Bride- PERFECT. CASTING. WRITING. SETS. COSTUMES. EVERYTHING. PERFECT!

I understand why movies cannot be exactly like the books. I truly do, but I don't think it's an excuse to not try. Like the Princess Bride and Warm Bodies show it can be done.